I found a draft post from after my wedding, almost 5 years later

Clearing my laptop and i found this draft from almost 5 years back. I guess I never got to say those thank yous after all - procrastinator much. But things all happen for a reason. I guess, this popped out at the right time, the very time I need to look back and reminisce what my parents have done for me.

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It’s been more tan a week since the wedding, which was followed by a whirlwind of activities – Bringing our non-Kuching friends around, eating, meeting new relatives, eating, spending time with Jen and David, eating and finally, falling sick. And now that most of it is over, I am finally settling down to say the Thank Yous that I have been wanting to say since forever.

Mummy, when I hugged you after my dinner reception and said to you, “thank you for everything”, I meant every.single.word. Well, you replied with something that sounded like “I’ll jot it down in a 555 notebook and claim from you”, but the truth is, all you have done for me is so priceless I doubt i can ever pay you back. Ops =P Thank you for the moral support, thank you for constantly being there, for never giving up on my bridal shoe hunt, even when I myself have. Thank you for spending many of your weekends tirelessly, preparing for my wedding, buying red potties and basins and angpows and curtains and giving me the perfect cheongsam cloth and sweet talking my tailor into agreeing to make my dress. Thank you for having the guest list planned out and refreshments sorted out. Thank you for making me my set of adorable gay chickens and chicks I now keep in our bridal room. Thank you for being there when I felt all alone.

Daddy, you put your arms around my shoulder and told me that I made you proud. I still cannot really figure out how getting married did that, but I’m so glad you are. Thank you for stepping in to help with the housework, the floors are sparkly white because of you. And thank you for being a good sport on the day, you played the bride’s daddy well.
Husband. It’s hasn’t been an easy one for you either, has it? And being the more organized one of us two, it must have been very frustrating for you to watch while I slacked and procrastinated and was inefficient doing things. Well you’re stuck with me now, like it or not. But thank you for putting up with my wedding stress tantrums and countless “must it be red?” questions. I now have the rest of my life to irritate you and I am glad. I hope you are too =D


Ahhh. My dearest Ji Muis.

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And... it abruptly ended here.

Happy thoughts

Hey you,

I was thinking about letting you die a slow death but somehow one day, I stumbled upon you on a sleepy, moody work day (please, no judging). Seeing happy posts and happy pictures happened to put a smile on me and perked me up and somehow fuelled me for the day. I then realized the significance of penning down my happy moments rather than wail about the sad. And here is one. Well kind of.

Anyway, I have no idea why but this morning had been an uber happy one. Maybe the songs on my shuffle list hit all the right, happy spots in me and I couldn’t help but smile, alone, to myself. From the outside it didn’t look quite right I suppose, but from the inside, I was overflowing with happiness and I didn’t know why.

Well then came the awkward part. I somehow stared emptily and smiled at my colleague of one week. (Yes I found work!) The colleague asked why, but I really didn’t know how to respond except for shaking my head and go on grinning.

It felt really awkward afterwards. The new colleague who had no idea what was going on in my head must have felt…uh…weird. I felt quite bad, bad enough to write a note on my phone to pass to my colleague that went something like

“dear colleague, I hope I didn’t freak you out. I was smiling emptily at you a while ago. It’s because I am in an exceptionally good mood this morning and I cannot stop smiling. PS: I really am not a nut case”

I’m not sure if it helped with the situation, although said colleague politely smiled and returned my phone and asked why the good mood since it wasn’t a Friday. Oops. Remain silent and be thought a fool, speak up and remove all doubt, much?

On another note, I seem to be lingering around the crossroads in life, trying to get me a job, income, career and realizing how poor I am after the few months of slacking and vowing to enjoy life while I still could since I finished my degree. A lot has happened since – had awesome vacations, played a lot in the kitchen, had my wedding photo shoot after a hassle of worrying about weight, picking out dresses, and religiously applying skin care and masks at night,  attempted to work at Starbucks but a real job came around and I had to give in to being rational and etc. The sad thing however is that I AM still lost. But I’ve constantly gone to bed reminding myself of the old saying I used to stick by; ‘when you decide to do something, do it well’.

 

…Inserts happy photos

These are called ‘Checking final trimester results and proceeding to jump around Perth’s street, outside a Japanese restaurant where we had dinner because nobody knew us anyway and we were fucking happy’.

 

And this one is called ‘I love Perth because the skies are bluer the trees are smoother the ducks are smarter (very impressed that they poop on the rocks) the waves are bigger (no picture because I was always too busy playing in them) and heck, even the scones that Perth’s Jess makes rise heaps higher’.

 

This is called ‘Lynda wants to work as a park ranger in Aus’.

 

And THIS is called ‘The reason I cannot fit into wedding dresses’.

=)

How did it come to this

Here’s a little something I found, written back when I was in Sematan doing my National Service. It makes me laugh at my lack of abilities to compose poetry that sound like I exceed 12 years of age. Not implying that things are any different now.

But geeee, that innocence, priceless.

 

When I looked up at the sky last night,

I saw stars that twinkled bright.

I wished you were here by me to teach,

The shapes and names of each.

 

You pointed to me, clusters of the Dipper.

The Belt of Orion, the three stars together.

Each time spotted, I’d excitedly say,

Look, the stars are there!

 

Now at camp I slowly look back.

To think of it, it’s kind of sad.

I’m looking up at stars alone,

Further and further goes our bond.

 

Now with time I slowly look,

I know at times I have not been good.

I hope to make it up someday,

Rediscover love we used to share.

 

Through thick and thin I’ll be by your side,

Count on us, we won’t run and hide.

Open up and rest in our comfort,

So none of us will hurt.

A gentle reminder

My new year resolution is to keep the promises i make to myself

So this is 2012

I decided to stalk a friend’s blog today. Not a frequent writer, but the things he says are things I totally relate to.

Among them was living life to the fullest, as if there would be no tomorrow. Well not to the extent of there not being a tomorrow, but the the extent of knowing that something would soon be ending.

Ever since my 6-months of slave-driver internship period in Kuching, working like an actual working person yet not really there, because you are the intern that is free for use and knows some yet doesn’t quite know enough, waking up at 7am and passing out by 12.30am, or at least try to pass out, I’ve realised that I have been taking a lot of things for granted. For instance, you would not be able to skip work as much as you skip class. You would not be able to go for a RM9 movie on a Wednesday afternoon. You would not be able to go off to karaoke on a weekday where all the promotions are. You would have to go squeeze with the crowd in shopping malls on weekends because you can’t go there during working hours. You no longer get to sleep at 6am and wake up at 3pm. You don’t get to evaluate people, ie: the lecturers. Your superior evaluates you, and if you get an asshole for one, well best of luck!

I came back to uni for my (hopefully) final sem determined to live the life I have been missing out on because I was then too occupied with my academic performance, because I felt bad about troubling my friends who’d have to fetch me, because I was an introvert and because the BF was then, very domineering and insecure and fought with me everytime i tried to join my friends for outings because I was hot and a dream of a girlfriend and he was afraid some other men was going to come sweep me off my feet.

Now with three weeks left to go (and heaps of undone assignments) before the study break and Chinese New Year and final exam comes, I feel so much like I am running out of time. To do my assignments, to study for finals and to continue living my life before I walk into a very vague future career. But I certainly am glad that I have the chance to create beautiful memories with people who matter while I still can.

I remember sitting in the debating society of uni during my first year, and a friend, the same guy who’s writing about living like there’d be no tomorrow, asking me if I was sure I really wanted to do Accounting. 3.5 years later, my answer remains the same. It is not something I am crazy about, but rather, it is something I feel is right. Something that provides me with a stepping stone, a head start, an open door.

I stay to my saying, that when I decide to do something, I should do it well. I suppose that’s the same that goes to being an auditor. It is the best route, the right route, although I have no intentions of being slave to an audit firm, losing both hair and sleep. When the time comes, I will break free from all that is right, and move away from the norms and finally be whatever I was supposed to be when I thought audit isn’t for me.

Chef? Writer? Lol. We’ll see.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. May we all continue to grow, learn, cherish and love. =)

Emonomo

That awkward moment when you want to start writing but do not know how to start.

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AHAH this girl has been having her soul sucked out of her by 9gag lately.

But wait, is that even supposed to be awkward?

Awkward or not I think I should just jot down random things from here and there. My blog misses me. It told me in my dreams, I know.

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This happened last weekend, the weekend where I was supposed to be studying for my midterm exams which are happening THIS week. The old me would have never gotten her arse off the chair and eyes off her books. But the current me told the old me to go on and do it, in the name of the final sem. And here’s a pic I stole from FB.

I ran 10km of the KL streets with these guys in 1 hour 17 minutes. Many finished way earlier than me, but heck, I never thought I could run this far. See that tiny girl on the left? That’s Suiee. She and Mister Lee (who’s back in his hometown eating good food and surrounded by family love) were the ones who encouraged me to run. As I ran around uni, Mister Lee would be yelling “DON’T STOP! GO GO GO! BIGGER STEPS!” And thinking back, how time flies. That was almost one year ago.

After the run we all headed home, showered and went for lunch at Umai-Ya Puchong. It was a buffet brunch. We fed ourselves with 30km worth of calories after the 10km run. And I finally settled my cravings for oysters. Not exceptional, but better than nothing. *gratitude!*

It’s a funny thing, the oyster cravings and I. I do not particularly like them. But somehow I missed that rawness, the taste of lemon as you take your first slurp, and then the texture of the oyster in the mouth. Its a big step, from being a Japanese cuisine hating person, to someone who craves oysters. But owh, I still stay away from Unagi.

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The past weeks have been those filled with daydreaming of what I will become, whether I will end up getting married, whether I’d like to be an auditor, and if not, what I could do for a living. I figured what I would really want is to take a break and somehow, perhaps, maybe, find myself. So I proceed to thinking how to afford travelling and where I could wander off to. Lynda Lau, Y U No Rich? =\

I have recently reached expert level when it comes to daydreaming about things to eat/cook/bake during lectures.And I have also become a severe case of nocturnal creature. And and and. I brought an oven back with me to Cyberjaya. Suiee and I have been baking. In fact, I just grilled myself a tomato cheese sandwich for dinner and forced ST to eat one too.

And now that I am done procrastinating, I ought to continue studying for my 8pm paper instead of dig my own grave here.

 

With love,

Pre Wedding Depression no more,

Lynda =)

This is emo

What do you do when the only thing that tells you to go on is your heart, when almost everybody else is telling you otherwise, at times, including your brain? I believe things happen repeatedly to a person for a reason – herself. But how do I figure out why I am constantly stuck in the in-betweens.

How young is young, how old is old. How successful is successful? How much is enough? How much before a person is good, reliable, right? How far can it stretch before it all should go down the drain? How obvious must it be for it to be true, for you to start being scared? How on earth do you choose?

Why so many what-ifs? Why so many meddling hands? Why is there no other choice? Why did they choose so easily? Why choose to be so inflexible and push so hard to get something that is obviously selfish and wrong from the start? Why all the pressure on me you are the ones making all the choices?

And it doesn’t help, that you have the worst lecturer you have ever met on the trimester where you decide to really live your uni life, ie: play, and her midterms come two days after the 10km run you are afraid you wouldn’t be able to finish.