Today is result-release day

So what now? Jump out the window? Go jogging? Swim? Go shoe shopping? Sleep? Take the longest bath ever? Scrub the bathroom sparkly clean? Watch Dexter murder someone?

Results were just released. I dared not during the meeting session for the fear that I would cry there and then. I came home and procrastinated all I could before opening it. I guess deep down I knew it would not be favourable.

Sometimes I wish there was a device that could record feelings, because right now, I want mine to be remembered. Those feelings to disappointment, regret, feeling sorry that I probably didn’t make my parents very proud, or that I could not show that I could really pull through the hell. I want to remember this feelings to that this trimester would be a time to make things right. I want to remember so that I do not slack or take for granted. I want to remember to be motivated. I want to remember so I do not regret =(

Petula Clark sang “so kiss me goodbye, and I’ll try not to cry, all the tears in the world won’t change your mind. There’s someone new, and she’s waiting for you, soon your heart will be leaving me behind. Linger a while, and I’ll go with a smile, like a friend who just happened to call. For the last time, pretend you are mine, my darling, kiss me goodbye”.

Difference here’s that my dean’s list isn’t pretending to be mine anymore. It left, and I need to curl up and wallow in sorrow for a little while. Then I’ll get up being thankful knowing I could have done much worse. But just for now I shall go get depressed.

How to ask a guy out

I noticed that my mind is more prone to thinking ridiculous thoughts when I am hungry. Tonight, I thought of ways timid, nice, homely girls who have hardly any friends *ahem* could ask guys out without being too outright and saving themselves the embarrassment of a rejection. If the nice, homely girl is VERY timid, using the many messaging medias such as SMSing, Facebook (not outright on the walls, please, or MSN (but risk having your messages undelivered and causing heaps of anxiety because MSN is crappy lately) would be more preferable. At least the screens do not know you are blushing!

#1. “I’m home alone and there’s nothing to eat. I’m totally craving for Ma Lak Mien at Life Café now. But I don’t like eating alone (must show sad face to gain sympathy). Sighhhhhhhhh. But then again, screw awkwardness. I think I’ll head there before I starve to death. Eh, how bout u join me? My treat!”

#2. “Hey I painted my toenails this absolutely awesome red shade (because I was hungry and had nothing better to do at home). It’s realllllllllly pretty. Wanna see?”

#3. “Guess what? Today I baked chocolate lava cake (note: there must be research beforehand about what ‘guy’ likes to eat. If ‘guy’ does not like chocolate lava cake, substitute with something else). Mom actually said it was good but two people can only eat that much. Do you like chocolate lava cake? If you do, help me eat some?” (then, proceed to meet ‘guy’ somewhere to deliver)

#4. “Have you watched Donnie Yen’s (I think most guys would like Donnie Yen?) new movie? Trailer looks awesome!!! I wanted to go catch the late night slot but I heard that The Spring (this is a mall where MBO is situated, feel free to substitute with any local mall) is haunted so I daren’t go late nights. I would’ve gone alone if I was less busy during the day”. (show sad face)

#5. “Owh, you work in that area? I heard there’s this place selling really good chicken rice nearby. Do you know how to get there?” ….. “Huh? I’ve no idea where that is, maybe you could show me sometime soon during your lunch breaks?”  

*if ‘guy’ tells you he packs lunch to work every day, say “Awwwww u poor thing, even more the reason you should go eat that awesome chicken rice and when you decide to, please show me the directions there”.

#6. Lastly, the most obvious of all – write this on your blog, and tell him you want to do any of the above, and send him the link. This is why iPhones (or any phones with the ability to go online on the move) are awesome, ‘guy’ can immediately check.

PS: I just realized that more than half of my methods (#6 doesn’t count) involve food. FML

Can do today then don't do tomorrow!

Okay, so I take back what I said. Apparently, the not so conscious part of my brain had not been calculating correcting. The only thing it gave me was false optimism.

Only when I started revisions the night before exam did I start hyperventilating and panicking. I was not able to remember things I studied beforehand and if not for the highlighter marks I left on those notes, I would never remember having read them.

I was so scared, that even the mere 30 minutes I had to sleep, I lied in bed hearing my own heart thumping away, conscious.

Therefore I change my mind. When I may have said that procrastination may be somehow good, I now think that it isn’t a good idea at all. All that anxiety, stress, frustration, immense fear, ‘lostness’, guilt and regret was horrible.

However, however… Today is a new day. Exams are over. Holidays are kicking in. And I am a free spirit. Well, a free spirit with heaps to do once she gets home. =P

Taxation and my procrastination theory

I am now approaching the end of my final exams, with one more paper to go tomorrow.

Taxation. The moment that word pops out, I think many students would shudder, and later have a string of adjectives such as “scary, confusing, tiring, crazy, OMG, fuck fuck fuck, difficult, impossible, BACA BACA BACA and etc.” flowing through their stressed out, saturated brains.

The same happens to me, but this morning at 6.20am and not getting any sleep yet, I am not here to talk about how bad taxation is treating me (since I only have to study it now and not feed it money yet). I’ll always remember what my finance lecturer said, which went something like “…when you have a pie, someone will want to come in and take a slice of that pie without giving anything in return. That someone is the government”. =D

Owh yea, I was saying I wasn’t here to talk about how bad taxation is.

I am here because throughout the exam, I have been thinking a lot about procrastination itself. Why do we procrastinate? Why are we only able to stop getting glued to the ever so charming Jung Ji Hoon in A Love to Kill only when exam a stone throw away (that hasn’t happened to me yet, but I am assuming it will sometime later today because tax paper is on 1^st Oct morning) and why do we write pointless posts on our blogs, when we know that when the time comes, we’re going to want to feel like crying and kicking ourselves and telling ourselves that we deserve to walk into that battle field and shrivel up and die.

Then we’ll go listen to Christina Aguilera’s ‘Fighter’ and continue cramming till 6am to sit for exam at 9am (and wanting to cry and telling ourselves that we won’t be this way the next exam – I know I’m not the only one doing that). And then, repeat the whole process the next semester, and the next semester, and the next semester.

I think there’s a reason behind all this. I think there’s a subconscious mind working there, and trying to make sure that we do not go insane from all that stress. Therefore, it MAKES us procrastinate (yeah Lynda, blame the subconscious mind).

The subconscious mind is able to urhm, ‘predict’ the amount of time we need to study and the things that are actually relevant. SO, by limiting our time through making us procrastinate, we don’t have to absorb as much information, just sufficient information for us to sit for the exams.

All this in the name of helping us keep our sanity, because our subconscious mind is aware of the amount of strain that its friend, the conscious mind, that we use in this memorizing-competition is able to take. Procrastination after all, is a form of relaxation. That is, if you do not take into account of being stressed at the same time you enjoy procrastinating.

PS: actually I’ve ditched Biology after Form 6, so my definition of ‘subconscious mind’ is er.... the part of you that automatically helps you get up only after 9 hours of sleep even though you set your alarm to ring after 6 and a half hours. Or the part of the mind that tells you to wake up when you keep dreaming about going to sit for an exam today, which you thought was tomorrow. Or the part of the brain that tells you that you forgot to take something but never tells you what.  I’m sorry if I’m wrong.
SO… I wonder if I have made any procrastinators out there feel better? =P.

I've made a breakthrough !

Me likey toasted. Toasted marshmallows. Toasted bread. Toasted bread and cheese. Toasted bread and cheese and kaya. Toasted bread and cheese and kaya and coffee. Owh, I guess coffee doesn’t count.

Anyway, in the midst of studying I thought of muffins.

And thanks to this very sweet woman who has been contributing to my survival for the past two weeks, who gave lovely muffins to my very sweet housemate who happened to pass one down to me out of her generous heart, I discovered yet another heavenly combination.

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TOASTED MUFFINS WITH PEANUT BUTTER! =D =D =D

Cut them muffins into half, toast and sandwich with a dollop of peanut butter. Toast until desired burnt-ness. The muffins were owh so aromatic with a tinge of crispiness plus the richness of peanut butter.

Yeah, I know. Who knew? And now I satisfied half my peanut butter –chocolate cookie/cake/bars/anything craving that has been lurking in the dark sides of my brain for over a week and screaming for me to fatten up.

WHEEEEEEE!  Owh btw, I am aware of the fat consumption that just happened. No judging aights? I shall make it up to the bright sides of my brain that scream for me to work out some other time. Dark side won tonight. =D

Shark Fin Soup & Wedding Dinners 2

Why exactly do people take shark fin soup?

Shark fin is actually tasteless. The ‘enjoyment’ comes from the texture; slippery with a slight bite. But really, you ought to ask yourself, is it really the shark fin that you are enjoying, or the many flavours incorporated into it through seasonings? Because if it the flavours you like, then why not got for some other soup that is cooked the same way, with the same ingredients, without the shark fin. And so I’ve heard of people quoting its health benefits, but seriously, how much are you going to achieve through one bowl of shark fin soup? It’s not something that we middle-class beings eat on a daily basis. Eat more fruits and vegetables, drink more water, exercise and stay away from too much ciggies and alcohol. You’ll gain heaps more health benefits that way than through the consumption of a bowl of shark fin soup.

I think status is the one prominent to the popularity of shark fin soup at weddings. It is freakin expensive, therefore it reflects status on the dinner host. It is freakin expensive, therefore the dinner guests enjoy shark fin soup. Kind of like value for money, kind of eating a delicacy that does not come around too often. You know the monetary value behind it, therefore you enjoy it.

I compare this eating shark fin soup because of the hefty price tag to liking a hideous branded handbag, because it costs thousands of dollars. It helps you make an impression because of the price tag. Therefore you purchase/carry it around.

While we’re on handbags – fakes are selling everywhere. The case is the same with shark fin soup. Because the real deal is costly, fake shark fin is being sold and this is usually mixed with a little of the real thing. This is usually not done with an intention to conserve, but instead to cut cost. Some unscrupulous restaurants do that and charge dinner hosts for the real thing. This is wrong on so many levels I guess I don’t have to point them out one by one. And I’m sorry for eaters who thought they were getting the real deal in terms of taste, health benefits and value for ang pows given.

How do we fix the problem that has been shark torturers for ages and blasting sharks to the brink of extinction?

Simply by saying NO.

If the wedding guests said no to shark fin soup, the hosts are not likely to order it. They would probably be glad not to have to order it from the caterer and having to put all that extra weight onto the already humongous catering-bill after all the money spent on photographs, wedding packages, room/house renovations or buying a new nest, their honeymoon and etc. hosts not ordering shark fin soup from caterers means less demand in for shark fin in the market means less shark finning.

As for the marrying couples and wedding dinner hosts, I believe that awareness rules over the status, anytime.  Being aware of the hazard from serving shark fin soup is way better than serving it for the purpose of making a good impression, because you don’t. The impression you would mostly likely give out is of your ignorance. Shark fin soup has been incorporated into wedding tradition in most asian countries, but that does not mean we must blindly follow tradition when it is wrong in so many ways. Countless traditions have been broken; why not break this “tradition” that brings more harm than good too.

It may be hard, every bit of effort counts – not taking shark fin soup, not ordering shark fin soup, not buying shark fin. I myself used to have second thoughts rejecting the bowl of soup offered to me. But I believe someone has to start making a change somewhere, and if I take that bowl of soup, no one would ever wonder what is wrong with the girl with an issue with shark fin soup and no one would know about the plight of sharks. The society or the older generation may insist on shark fin soup, but that is because many of them are not aware. YOU, the younger generation hold the responsibility of conservation on your shoulders – you should know better. 

When the buying stops, the killing does too. =)

Shark Fin Soup & Wedding Dinners 1

I care about animals. I believe in not inflicting unnecessary pain on them. If you make a sadistic joke on the topic, I will not laugh along with you or share your enthusiasm, be it in the name of friendship or respect. The most you can get from me is a straight face, if not sarcasm or hostility.

Shark Fin Soup.

I have been intending to write about this since I attended a wedding dinner with the bf not long ago. I have intended to write EVERYTIME I attend a Chinese wedding dinner. I just never really knew how. But here I am, finally, and hoping that I’m writing this right and hoping that I can contribute my tiny share to the survival of these creatures.

This looks majestic I suppose. Perhaps that is what the tiny human needs in order make him/herself look bigger – to hold a massive body part of a dead animal.

As a kid, I used to love shark fin soup. It was sort of like the highlight dish during the wedding banquet night. Perhaps I was cute, or charming, or adorable, or lovable, the older folks at the table always let me have two bowls. But I stopped when I got old enough to realize how shark fins came about. Here’s a rough idea how: “…millions of sharks die a slow death because of finning. Finning is the inhumane practice of hacking off the shark's fins and throwing its still living body back into the sea. The sharks either starve to death, are eaten alive by other fish, or drown (if they are not in constant movement their gills cannot extract oxygen from the water..”

Yes indeed, animals do get killed for food. But I disagree with shark finning because of the brutal way they die. The shark bodies are not taken because they are generally of low value and they take up space and weight in the fishing vessels. May as well bring back more valuable fins than transport worthless shark meat that take up space that can be filled with money-making fins, right?

This is what I used to picture when I decided not to eat shark fin: imagine having a cut the size of a 20sen coin. Then imagine dipping that cut into salty sea water. Ouch. Now maybe the shark doesn’t hurt from an exposed cut in the sea water – I don’t know. How about this: imagine having your limbs chopped off (the pain won’t be good). Then imagine being thrown into sea water. Not only are u hurting, you are also not able to move or swim up for air. You suffocate. And just to add some spice to the story, maybe a shark comes along and eats you up, shredding off your flesh, bit by bit. (From my bit of reading, sharks are gentle animals they say. So I guess they don’t attack. I don’t know).

to be continued...