The playlist speaks

I have FINALLY finished my part of the super dreaded law assignment, and I thought I would give a little tribute to some of the more uhm, significant songs that have been keeping me company and messing with my head yet speaking for me for the past one month.

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Picture perfect memories, scattered all across the floor. Reaching for the phone coz I can’t fight it anymore. And I wonder if I ever cross your mind. For me it happens all the time.

A few hours left till the sun’s gonna rise. Tomorrow will come it’s time to realise, our love, is finished forever. How I wish to come with you, how I wish we make it through. Just one last dance, before we say goodbye.

Never even thought to cry, when I heard you say goodbye, never said where you were going. There’s no laughter in the air, only silence everywhere, and so much left unspoken.

But if you wanna cry, cry on my shoulder. If you need someone, who cares for you.

At times I understand you, and I know how hard you’ve tried. I’ve watched while love commands you, and I’ve watched love pass you by. At times I think we’re drifters, still searching for a friend. A brother or a sister, but then the passion flares again.

You deserve the chance at the kind of love, I’m not sure I’m worthy of. Losing you is painful to me. I don’t wanna let you down, I don’t wanna lead you on. I don’t wana hold you back from where you might belong. You would never ask me why, my heart is so disguised. I just can’t live a lie anymore. I would rather hurt myself than to ever make you cry. There’s nothing left to say, but goodbye.

Thank you for loving me. For being my eyes when I couldn’t see. For parting my lips when I couldn’t breathe. Thank you, for loving me.

Bila yang tertulis untukku, adalah yang terbaik untukmu, kan ku jadikan kau kenagan yang terindah dalam hidupku.

Coz everything reminds me of you, and it’s just gonna take a little gettin used to.

It’s hard to find forgiveness, when we just turn out the light. It’s hard to say you’re sorry, when you can’t tell wrong from right…. If you just talk to me baby, till we ain’t strangers anymore.

Mungkinkah esok, kita kan bertemu kembali? Masihkah ada ruang di dalam hatimu?

Just like all the seasons never stay the same, all around me I can feel the change. I will break these chains that bind me. Happiness will find me. Leave the past behind me. Today my life begins. A whole new world is waiting. It’s mine for the taking, I know I can make it, today my life begins.

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Life’s too short to have regrets. Bruno Mars said so.

THEREFORE…….

Go to Ikea with good friends. Eat meatballs. And annoy the hell out of the kind uncle who agreed to share the table with you with your noise.

 

Then go to Marche, eat again. Drink ginger beer, because Hoegarden was too expensive to try. But owh well, because curiosity was a little too pricey that night =P

Then get super full that you have to walk around to digest the food. Camwhore with Christmas tree ornaments despite New Year having passed. Because the trees are still there, and simply because you can.

Then go to Baskin Robins and order something sour (because you’re still full). Don’t resist, because ice cream makes you happy.

Then be a guinea pig (and a good sport) and let your friends braid your hair into two pigtails outside Baskin Robbins, in the middle of the walkway. Take a picture. Because you won’t get to do that anymore when you’re like… 35. Or your kids would be embarrassed =)

It’s a brand new year

Hello again, world.

Starting today, I will be writing ‘2011’ instead of the old ‘2010’ on my tutorials, lecture notes, reminders, and etc. So it’s a brand new year again. It feels like 2010 had passed by in a blink of an eye, just like that.

A lot of people start the year by making resolutions - things they want to achieve, things they want to do, the type of person they want to be. 5 to 10 years back, that was exactly what I would do. Spend time having a long soothing shower while the clock strikes 12, then coming out feeling all new, and summing up the significant things that had taken place in the previous year. I would also include resolutions. One of them always had something to do with wanting to be 50kg; yeah, that one was always there, year after year after year. Lol.

Anyway, at this not so ripe age of twenty-two, I figured, why bother with the resolutions. It does not take a new year to start wanting change for whatever you think ought to be changed. Change should happen when it needs to. So i feel, why bother with resolutions,  since a new year is definitely not enough motivation to me to change anything.

Instead, I feel that this is the time to look back at how the previous year has been like. The happy moments, unhappy moments, moments filled with hardship, achievements, tears, mistakes, and most importantly, lessons learnt from every single moment.

I gave it a quick thought, and these are what I remember of my 2010 years – the more significant events I guess. Here goes:

Counted down for 2010 in Senso, Hilton. Jumped around to YMCA with the BF and friends.

Moved to a new place.

Went through a lot of emotional stress buying furniture, picking paint colours, choosing tiles.

Lived in denial and tried my very best to avoid packing.

My parents forgot my birthday, I was freakin disappointed.

Studied my ass off for the final semester of the second year in Suiee’s house, and practically moved there for that 1 week plus, and grew fat, because food was never short, thanks to Zihan’s frequent tapau-ing.

Friends came over to Kuching during semester break and I had a lot of fun.

Met Atsushi. Had the most outdoor activities i have ever had during sem break, thanks to Atsushi. Kayaking, mountain climbling, jungle trekking, waterfall dips, kuaci-eating, and etc. That was the best sem break ever.

Got dolled up for the BF’s cousin’s wedding, had make up done by someone else for the very first time (boy ,was I pretteh) but got a bit pissed that the BF left me quite alone at the table all night while he downed a lot of wine and got drunk. Owh well, his loss.

Became a nervous wreck after bringing Bullet home from the vet’s after having her neutered because she kept vomitting.

Owh and THIS is an accomplishment – I managed to bring Hero to the new house. Well of course, i had to depend on measures like using leftover chloroform from Form 6’s biology class.

Got my heart broken. Had the best sem break ever, but came back to Cyberjaya to see things I did not want to see. Facebook is evil and I hate Senso. And Chilax. *cringe*

Got the worst results I have ever gotten in Uni. Cried buckets of tears, regretted.

Took part in organizing uni events. Saw things in different dimensions. Met new, interesting corporate and non-corporate people.

Bought an impromptu ticket home for Deepavali. Got freakin happy because count up count down and realised there was almost a week of no classes.

Made a chocolate Fudge cake for Ky’s bday and baked awesome oatmeal cookies.

Went to Singapore for midterm break. Visited Universal Studios and Marina Sands Bay. Rode on the flyer. Took heaps of pictures, spent a lot of money. Discovered a new found interest in Roulette. Was freakin happy. Came back and had a first 3 couple outing with Suiee and ST at Sunway Lagoon.

Got my heart broken, again. Felt really smart, like a ‘tukang predict’ with awesome sixth sense. Realised how important my friends are. Learnt to love myself even more.

Made some new friends, lost some old ones.

And the last significant thing I did yesterday, was to jog four rounds around campus. Well not exactly four, but heck, i never thought i could, or would, do even one.

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As I stood out there watching fireworks waiting to count down to 2011, a thought crossed my mind: Will people also be counting down on the 20th Dec 2012, for the end of the world?I mean, just in case it really came, and they did not get to count down to 2013. Lol

I am starting to like the new me. Bring it on, 2011. Happy new year =)

I had a myself a merry little Christmas

Hello world.

The accounting nerd here has just finished 5 midterm papers in two weeks. It is Monday again, and it is an inexplicably good feeling to watch Monday blues consuming everyone, because my Mondays are class-free. *grins*

Christmas has just passed. I guess that makes the Monday after it bluer. I was about to go to bed when I remembered that I have neglected this place for a while.

I love Christmas. The songs, the shopping, the decoration put up in malls, the glitter, the lights, the gifts, the trees, the colours. I guess that’s why I like cinnamon, because cinnamon smells like Christmas. Hence, the reason why I like Starbucks, because Starbucks smells like cinnamon, and they have a whole bottle of it for me to generously shake into my Caramel Frappucino. Caramel, cinnamon and coffee – three of my favourite. Ahhh, bliss.

Uh, okay. Back to Christmas.

This year’s celebration was different for me. It involved being with people, in a place I did not live in. My first year in university, Christmas involved watching Christmas movies in the hostel and bursting into tears when I heard people caroling because I wanted to go home so badly. My second year, I stayed home determined to make the perfect egg tart (but failed and is still failing) and apple muffins to bring home on my flight the next day. And now, my third Christmas here, surprisingly, involves interaction with other human beings, and food being served to me, and forking out money for the bill.

I am honestly surprised I managed all that mingling and eating. *proud* lol. Socializing has never been my forte.

We went to TGIF. I ate crusty Tennessee Chicken. Refilled many rounds of carbonated drinks. Got slaughtered, because the standard dropped to sub par (I guess that happens everywhere – an increase in diners but the same amount of eating places, hence a drop in quality and increase in price?). Exchanged gifts. Then took a stroll outside in fear, afraid that random people would spray nasty things at us. Food was average, and so was the atmosphere, but the people were great, and that alone was enough to make everything good =)

Now I guess I’ll have to start counting again until the next Christmas, and look forward to New Year. New Year resolutions? I’m not really a believer, but we shall see.

Btw, Happy Birthday Jesus.

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! =)

Iron woman comin thru

Today st called me ‘iron woman’. I thought, “really?”

Iron woman or not, I could only have been one because someone dug me out from the grounds underneath. I would never have pulled through without the both of you.

Thank you for being there. :)

PS: I learnt that the song 伴 is a bloody joke despite feeling very much like an idiot lately. Talk about lifelong learning. Hah

The Boyfriend Manual: Lying, cheating bastards

A friend suggested I write this – a manual for the boyfriends on how to operate their girlfriends. I had no idea where to start, but life is a funny thing. It finds ways to inspire you, despite the ‘inspiration’ coming in a rather unfavourable form.

So here goes.

I once read somewhere in someone’s blog, she said something like “when the partner is hurt by the other’s action, it is considered cheating, because you are snooping around behind your partner. So whether you are cheating or not, is defined by your partner. My reaction to that was “what if the partner is SUPER sensitive?” eg: will explode in tears when you make eye contact with the opposite sex.  Then how?

I then thought that the male gender may need a little help in defining where we girls draw the line. Bear in mind that every girl is different. I do however think that I am referring to a majority of the female population.

Here’s my (more than) two cents worth of thoughts.

#1. Flirting with other girls.

This includes every being that has a vagina, and it doesn’t matter whether they are your colleagues or major customer of the China girl from the nightclub you patron. Dear bfs,This is the mildest of all  offences and there is a certain limit you can go. When you flirt without us knowing, it is wrong. When you flirt to the extent of exchanging phone numbers, it is wrong. When you flirt to the extent that you are hiding things from us, it is WRONG. Flirt in front of us, we can take it – because we feel that you have nothing to hide, and to some point it even reassures us that we are different from all the other girls. We are more confident than you think.

#2. Hearing from you is better than us finding out on our own.

Dear bfs, at any time, we would rather hear your confession and apology, rather than having you twist and turn and dodge corners and to let us catch you lying into our faces. We have awesome 6th sense, and investigation and observation skills – we know. And when you lie, it hurts. And when it hurts, we cry. And when we cry, you turn around and tell us that we’re annoying. You see, you’re the one who gets annoyed in the end. Why not save yourselves the trouble and just come clean in the very first place.

#3. Sex with the other woman.

We hope that you at least decide to spare yourself (and us) some dignity. We would like to believe that we chose a man with taste. So before you go sleep around with some whore or China waitress from some bar, please consider how cheap it makes you look, and the amount of risk of STDs you are opening yourself (and possibly US) to. Thank you.

#4. We need time to heal.

Yes we know you’re probably sorry about whatever stunt you pulled after we confront you. And we know that after all the tears and anger and frustration, and you realise there’s no where left to hide probably want to make up because you suddenly realise how awesome your current gf is compared to the bitch you were playing around with, you want to make things good again. And at that moment, we’re probably seeming very much aloof and cold and cruel. We know you’re frustrated. But what you do not know is that we’re trying equally hard to make things right. Feelings are a funny thing; they have a brain of their own. Telling ourselves not to feel hurt, to forgive and forget, to brighten up and hold your hand and skip around and chatter around you like usual is like telling ourselves not to think of a pink elephant.

Time heals. We need that. Because you really can not imagine the pain and hurt you put us through. And along with that, we need to see action, because talk is fucking cheap.

#5. Do not do to others what you do not want done to you.

Very very simple, no? Just don’t expect out of us  what you aren’t giving us. You men (not referring to all men) are always feeling insecure about every little thing and hating all our other male friends. If applied the same way, the rule would say “if you can do it, why can’t we”. But personally, i do not stoop THAT low.

#6. To the friends of the lying cheating bastards.

Hello there. You are accountable. We hate you just as much if you got our guys into this situation in the very first place.

#7. Dan lain lain lagi

Dear Bfs, please just let us know if you would rather date some other woman. I think a lot of woman would rather have no man than any less than one man. We would understand. But to be cheated on and lied to, that we cannot tolerate.

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I think females today should really learn to stand up on their own. Earn your own money, depend on no one, because in fact, no one owes you anything at all. Anything extra coming from anyone at all is a charity case. You’ll be much happier thinking that way. It makes you a better person too, because you learn to say ‘thank you’ and not take things for granted.

The best thing (cheated-on and lied to) people can do for themselves is to love themselves. Take time to indulge, take care of your body, dress up and walk with your head up high, despite whatever shit life throws at you.

Tomorrow shall be a better day. Amen.

Dinner!

I couldn’t help but take a picture because I felt that the colours were very pretty.

After having cookies and coffee, cookies and Milo and cookies and milk for breakfast, lunch and dinner, guilt kicked in so I used up whatever was left in the fridge and came up with this – something uh, more healthy? =P

Oatmeal Cookies

I have been wanting to make these long long long ago. Today was supposed to be used for assignments and revisions for the coming midterm papers before I go off and play during midterm break, but as usual, things happen, hence study plans fail.

What happened was that I went to Suiee’s house and she let me try some awesome cookies her sister got her. They chewy and yummy and fruity. I fell in love, and told myself I simply had to make those cookies I had been putting on hold for so long. They changed my perception towards chewy cookies. I’ve always been the crunchy-cookie kind of person, but now I know, chewy is good too!

It started with Google.

I went with Oatmeal Cookies in the end because it called for Walnuts and that was exactly what I had.

These are the sacrifices and they are all about to die and turn into lovely cookies. That red scale has travelled from Suiee’s house since last semester and has never left my house - I doubt it will be leaving anytime soon. *grins* And yes, the can of raisins priced at RM7.95 came all the way from Choice Daily, Kuching.

Then, butter met sugar. I have a theory, that a cookie maker can have muscles trying to cream the two, provided they do not eat the cookies afterwards. Owh, I guess that’s why mixers were invented. Sadly, I do not own one, so muscles and a fork will have to do.

Egg and vanilla joined the family. They intended to breed and create a whole new population of Oatmeal Cookies.

Suiee and Zihan came for corn soup in the midst of my baking session, and I forgot to take pictures of which ingredient met which ingredient after that. Distraction, tsk tsk tsk... Btw, Suiee took this – my dinner, her supper.

Flour and walnuts and raisins and oats came into the picture and created cookie dough!

And then these came out of the oven!

 

The verdict: I thought that it was a little on the sweet side. The oats were too coarse for my liking, but should I have used quick-cooking oats, the texture would be too fine. Chewiness was okay I think, and the walnuts added some oomph to it.

Suiee and Zihan thought the same. The taste of oats was rather overwhelming. But they later said that these were as good as the ones from Subway. I’ve never tried those, but omgee damn proud lor, but maybe they were scared to see me cry. Owh well, there’s always room for improvement.

One thing I’ve learnt from baking is that whenever you see an angmoh recipe, first thing you do is cut the amount of sugar in half =P I did that and it still came out pretty sweet. See, I am capable of learning despite it being a matter of how soon, considering the countless sweet-until-almost-inedible things I made.

Baking is therapeutic to me. When I am hyper it calms me down, when I am bored and emoing it fills up my time, and when I am sad, it takes my thoughts off problems for a while as I measure, mix, and watch my work grow in the oven. The part where the creation comes out inedible however requires a whole different kind of therapy =P But if whatever I’ve made comes out satisfactory, that is when everything that was wrong seems right again. Sadly, this does not happen too much in Kuching because the master of all cooking, mom, lives there too. Whatever I make is almost always a failure to her. BUT, it is a different situation here in uni because my food-deprived Cyberjaya counterparts do know how to appreciate my creations =D Good food is scarce after all!

Btw, I sacrificed a spatula in the process :S Sigh, I never knew cookie dough could be so evil.

Seeing a broken spatula suddenly makes me think of wounds and pain – i don’t know why.. Everyone has different kinds of pain tolerance. For instance, think of a bleeding finger. Those afraid of pain would slap a plaster around it and wait patiently for the wound to dry up and heal. I on the other hand have no patience. Countless times I have offered the bf Double Prawn Herbal Oil when he gets wounds – he screams and runs the opposite direction.It will be SUPER painful for a couple of seconds, but the wound will dry up very quickly, then you will be free to go on doing whatever you wanted to do without being scared of wetting the wound or having the constant annoying tiny bit of pain.

I think this explains a lot about people. Some prefer gradual, tiny bits of pain for a longer duration. I would rather have a quick one – suffer teruk teruk first, then be free from it afterwards. If I were a nurse, a lot of patients would suffer. But it does not make me a bad nurse, because i still have their best interest at heart =)

Goodnight!