A sleepless night

Guilt, fear and frustration makes me wonder if i should just go on and be a housewife. After all, i enjoy cleaning the house and spending time in the kitchen. Seeing everything in order and walking on squeaky clean floors bring the utmost satisfaction. Cooking good food and successful baking gives me a sense of contentment that would make right a wrong day.

Yet, since the new trimester started, i hadn’t even had the time to cook a single proper meal here – too much playing and too many meetings. It’s a 180 degree turn from the life i used to know, where a lot of time was spent in my room. I enjoyed the solitude and solitude is a necessity as a little breakaway from the hectic outside world. But since i found out there is a possibility of finishing uni earlier, i am determined to play my heart out, try new things and attempt to ‘live my life’, before i have to set foot on the dreadful working world and grow up.

We are entering the fifth week, and i still go to every Corporate Accounting class blank and blur. Tasks and responsibilities are piling up, and my brain at this moment, decided that it wants to be super forgetful.

Back to being a housewife. Well wouldn’t it be so much simpler if i could grow up into one. it would have saved a lot of trouble answering questions like ‘what do you want to be when you grow up?’ because i never knew, and i still don’t know.

However, it is a forbidden thought, because since young, mum has hammered again and again and again into my head that a woman must be able to stand on her own two feet because it is simply wrong to have to depend on someone just because you are a woman. Therefore, a woman has ought to have her own career, income, and be able to drive ;)

But somehow, i sometimes wonder if i’m on the wrong career path. I think i should have studied about setting up cleaning agencies or things to do with food =P