I was thinking about letting you die a slow death but somehow one day, I stumbled upon you on a sleepy, moody work day (please, no judging). Seeing happy posts and happy pictures happened to put a smile on me and perked me up and somehow fuelled me for the day. I then realized the significance of penning down my happy moments rather than wail about the sad. And here is one. Well kind of.
Anyway, I have no idea why but this morning had been an uber happy one. Maybe the songs on my shuffle list hit all the right, happy spots in me and I couldn’t help but smile, alone, to myself. From the outside it didn’t look quite right I suppose, but from the inside, I was overflowing with happiness and I didn’t know why.
Well then came the awkward part. I somehow stared emptily and smiled at my colleague of one week. (Yes I found work!) The colleague asked why, but I really didn’t know how to respond except for shaking my head and go on grinning.
It felt really awkward afterwards. The new colleague who had no idea what was going on in my head must have felt…uh…weird. I felt quite bad, bad enough to write a note on my phone to pass to my colleague that went something like
“dear colleague, I hope I didn’t freak you out. I was smiling emptily at you a while ago. It’s because I am in an exceptionally good mood this morning and I cannot stop smiling. PS: I really am not a nut case”
I’m not sure if it helped with the situation, although said colleague politely smiled and returned my phone and asked why the good mood since it wasn’t a Friday. Oops. Remain silent and be thought a fool, speak up and remove all doubt, much?
On another note, I seem to be lingering around the crossroads in life, trying to get me a job, income, career and realizing how poor I am after the few months of slacking and vowing to enjoy life while I still could since I finished my degree. A lot has happened since – had awesome vacations, played a lot in the kitchen, had my wedding photo shoot after a hassle of worrying about weight, picking out dresses, and religiously applying skin care and masks at night, attempted to work at Starbucks but a real job came around and I had to give in to being rational and etc. The sad thing however is that I AM still lost. But I’ve constantly gone to bed reminding myself of the old saying I used to stick by; ‘when you decide to do something, do it well’.
…Inserts happy photos
These are called ‘Checking final trimester results and proceeding to jump around Perth’s street, outside a Japanese restaurant where we had dinner because nobody knew us anyway and we were fucking happy’.
And this one is called ‘I love Perth because the skies are bluer the trees are smoother the ducks are smarter (very impressed that they poop on the rocks) the waves are bigger (no picture because I was always too busy playing in them) and heck, even the scones that Perth’s Jess makes rise heaps higher’.
This is called ‘Lynda wants to work as a park ranger in Aus’.
And THIS is called ‘The reason I cannot fit into wedding dresses’.