Happy thoughts

Hey you,

I was thinking about letting you die a slow death but somehow one day, I stumbled upon you on a sleepy, moody work day (please, no judging). Seeing happy posts and happy pictures happened to put a smile on me and perked me up and somehow fuelled me for the day. I then realized the significance of penning down my happy moments rather than wail about the sad. And here is one. Well kind of.

Anyway, I have no idea why but this morning had been an uber happy one. Maybe the songs on my shuffle list hit all the right, happy spots in me and I couldn’t help but smile, alone, to myself. From the outside it didn’t look quite right I suppose, but from the inside, I was overflowing with happiness and I didn’t know why.

Well then came the awkward part. I somehow stared emptily and smiled at my colleague of one week. (Yes I found work!) The colleague asked why, but I really didn’t know how to respond except for shaking my head and go on grinning.

It felt really awkward afterwards. The new colleague who had no idea what was going on in my head must have felt…uh…weird. I felt quite bad, bad enough to write a note on my phone to pass to my colleague that went something like

“dear colleague, I hope I didn’t freak you out. I was smiling emptily at you a while ago. It’s because I am in an exceptionally good mood this morning and I cannot stop smiling. PS: I really am not a nut case”

I’m not sure if it helped with the situation, although said colleague politely smiled and returned my phone and asked why the good mood since it wasn’t a Friday. Oops. Remain silent and be thought a fool, speak up and remove all doubt, much?

On another note, I seem to be lingering around the crossroads in life, trying to get me a job, income, career and realizing how poor I am after the few months of slacking and vowing to enjoy life while I still could since I finished my degree. A lot has happened since – had awesome vacations, played a lot in the kitchen, had my wedding photo shoot after a hassle of worrying about weight, picking out dresses, and religiously applying skin care and masks at night,  attempted to work at Starbucks but a real job came around and I had to give in to being rational and etc. The sad thing however is that I AM still lost. But I’ve constantly gone to bed reminding myself of the old saying I used to stick by; ‘when you decide to do something, do it well’.

 

…Inserts happy photos

These are called ‘Checking final trimester results and proceeding to jump around Perth’s street, outside a Japanese restaurant where we had dinner because nobody knew us anyway and we were fucking happy’.

 

And this one is called ‘I love Perth because the skies are bluer the trees are smoother the ducks are smarter (very impressed that they poop on the rocks) the waves are bigger (no picture because I was always too busy playing in them) and heck, even the scones that Perth’s Jess makes rise heaps higher’.

 

This is called ‘Lynda wants to work as a park ranger in Aus’.

 

And THIS is called ‘The reason I cannot fit into wedding dresses’.

=)

When you come across animal-hurting animals

I’ve been interning for a week now, life has been hectic. By the time I’ve finished work, had dinner, bathed, I get so tired all I want to do is sleep. Besides, being sleepy at work and yawning away not only gives a bad impression, it is also super torturing. And you can’t skip class to go home for naps like in uni. Hence on a Saturday night/Sunday morning, I passed going to bed and decided to talk about something I hold close to my heart: Animals.

I was stalking the bf’s FB and came across this – someone from Kuching itself, blogging about how his/her animal took shelter from the rain in a neighbor’s house and ended up getting beaten up by a metal stick.

http://stopabusinganimal.blogspot.com/2011/03/dog-abuse.html

I love animals. But even then, sometimes I find it difficult to make my stand. I do not eat shark fin soup but it simply isn’t polite to barge into a wedding dinner with a table full of elders and tell them not to, out of respect. I love animals, but I’m not too sure where the answer is when I ask myself, “then why am I not a vegetarian?”. And when I encounter people I know, ie: a friend’s friend/relative/etc mistreating a pet, how far am I supposed to go to voice out my concerns? Would I cause awkwardness/disrespect?

The answer to those questions I have yet to know, but now I think I do know what to do when I see a stranger hurting/trying to hurt an animal, because that first day of CNY, I received practical training for that.

I stole this picture from BaoQi’s FB. She refers to him as ‘fox dog’. This guy actually belongs to someone else along the street, but he was abandoned (I’m not too sure if the owner abandoned him of he abandoned his owner). But because he was such a darling, I see the other neighbours in the area giving him food and shelter. I met him once as I was walking home, and he wagged and trotted along wanting to play. How could anyone not love him?

That day, I saw his ex-owners throwing firecrackers at him – those that spin around and crackle on the ground. He ran. After a while, he came back barking at them, and to my horror, there was a toddler, holding out a stick of fireworks (the ciplak kind that only shoots as high as the telephone post). A man was carrying that toddler and holding the toddler’s hand to aim the firework at the dog’s mouth.

I yelled at them from my grandmother’s house that was across the street and I could obviously see that the man was halfway into aiming those fireworks at me. He yelled back at me with the most foul of foul words I have ever in my 23 years of living heard, and I wouldn’t say I didn’t yell back. But the whole thing erupted into a fight between two families when my mom, dad, grandad, grandma and aunt came out. But for the record the had three whole generations out there watching the dog tortured already, and uh, two men came over to my grandmother’s house and started getting physical first.

I could go on and talk about how I wish he would die and burn in hell, or how that toddler would grow up and throw firecrackers at him in return, or many many other horrible things. I would have, but now, I realised that the way I reacted was indeed wrong. So rather than cursing and swearing, I think I would rather share my experience in case someone else might face the same thing as I did.

When you come across an abuser:

#1. My mother told me this: Don’t be angry with the wrong-doer. Rather, put your energy into helping the victim. Rather than yell at Mr.X (i will be polite, and for the sake of politeness I will not name him after swear words) I should have called fox dog over.

#2. Evidence is everything. So if you have a camera/ camera phone take lots and lots of pictures, or even better, a video! These will be useful when it comes to making reports to the authorities (SPCA/ police/ NGOs/ etc). I wanted to bang my head on the wall the moment I got home because I had a freakin camera there and then in my handbag. But instead, I chose to jump head first into the fire. But then again I won’t have been sure whether to call fox dog over or hide in the car and take a video of Mr. X. Well, I guess that depends on every respective situation.

#3. Think, think hard, then act. On my car ride back home after the incident, I thought of many many things. When Mr. X came over to push my dad, and my dad in return reacted very emotionally, it made me wonder what would have happened if a fight really broke out. It made me wonder, what if it was my 83 year old grandfather that was pushed and he fell down. It made me wonder what if he hurt my mother. It made me wonder, so what, after all that fighting, they could hurt the dog again later. Fighting was pointless.

If I had only thought before I got all emotional and yelled, perhaps it wouldn’t have been so pointless. I decided to involve myself, alone, but never did I think that others would be dragged in.

#4. Never go head on with the abuser. For my case, I already knew Mr.X was a mean person. I have heard of him knocking down his neighbour, verbally abusing people, beating his wife and shooting the fox dog using that toy gun with plastic pellets.

So why on earth would someone inhumane like that listen to me when I tell him to stop aiming fireworks at a dog? Wrong approach, wrong approach.

#5. Don’t ever ever ever lose your cool – stay calm. I lost mine for those 10 to 15 minutes as I yelled foul words back at Mr. X. It gained me nothing, I wasn’t thinking, and my reputation dropped to equal his. Plus, staying calm helps you think. Maybe I should have taken out my camera and went “whoa, your fireworks are so awesome lemme take a video of them”, zoom into his face, then call the dog over and flash him a big smile. Then, upload it onto facebook and give everyone his address.

 

 

There, my take on the things to do when you come across butt-faced heartless germs that are doing nothing but wasting space on earth, disguised in human form – because you’re not even worthy of being called ‘animal’ *sorry I had to get that out*

How to ask a guy out

I noticed that my mind is more prone to thinking ridiculous thoughts when I am hungry. Tonight, I thought of ways timid, nice, homely girls who have hardly any friends *ahem* could ask guys out without being too outright and saving themselves the embarrassment of a rejection. If the nice, homely girl is VERY timid, using the many messaging medias such as SMSing, Facebook (not outright on the walls, please, or MSN (but risk having your messages undelivered and causing heaps of anxiety because MSN is crappy lately) would be more preferable. At least the screens do not know you are blushing!

#1. “I’m home alone and there’s nothing to eat. I’m totally craving for Ma Lak Mien at Life Café now. But I don’t like eating alone (must show sad face to gain sympathy). Sighhhhhhhhh. But then again, screw awkwardness. I think I’ll head there before I starve to death. Eh, how bout u join me? My treat!”

#2. “Hey I painted my toenails this absolutely awesome red shade (because I was hungry and had nothing better to do at home). It’s realllllllllly pretty. Wanna see?”

#3. “Guess what? Today I baked chocolate lava cake (note: there must be research beforehand about what ‘guy’ likes to eat. If ‘guy’ does not like chocolate lava cake, substitute with something else). Mom actually said it was good but two people can only eat that much. Do you like chocolate lava cake? If you do, help me eat some?” (then, proceed to meet ‘guy’ somewhere to deliver)

#4. “Have you watched Donnie Yen’s (I think most guys would like Donnie Yen?) new movie? Trailer looks awesome!!! I wanted to go catch the late night slot but I heard that The Spring (this is a mall where MBO is situated, feel free to substitute with any local mall) is haunted so I daren’t go late nights. I would’ve gone alone if I was less busy during the day”. (show sad face)

#5. “Owh, you work in that area? I heard there’s this place selling really good chicken rice nearby. Do you know how to get there?” ….. “Huh? I’ve no idea where that is, maybe you could show me sometime soon during your lunch breaks?”  

*if ‘guy’ tells you he packs lunch to work every day, say “Awwwww u poor thing, even more the reason you should go eat that awesome chicken rice and when you decide to, please show me the directions there”.

#6. Lastly, the most obvious of all – write this on your blog, and tell him you want to do any of the above, and send him the link. This is why iPhones (or any phones with the ability to go online on the move) are awesome, ‘guy’ can immediately check.

PS: I just realized that more than half of my methods (#6 doesn’t count) involve food. FML

Taxation and my procrastination theory

I am now approaching the end of my final exams, with one more paper to go tomorrow.

Taxation. The moment that word pops out, I think many students would shudder, and later have a string of adjectives such as “scary, confusing, tiring, crazy, OMG, fuck fuck fuck, difficult, impossible, BACA BACA BACA and etc.” flowing through their stressed out, saturated brains.

The same happens to me, but this morning at 6.20am and not getting any sleep yet, I am not here to talk about how bad taxation is treating me (since I only have to study it now and not feed it money yet). I’ll always remember what my finance lecturer said, which went something like “…when you have a pie, someone will want to come in and take a slice of that pie without giving anything in return. That someone is the government”. =D

Owh yea, I was saying I wasn’t here to talk about how bad taxation is.

I am here because throughout the exam, I have been thinking a lot about procrastination itself. Why do we procrastinate? Why are we only able to stop getting glued to the ever so charming Jung Ji Hoon in A Love to Kill only when exam a stone throw away (that hasn’t happened to me yet, but I am assuming it will sometime later today because tax paper is on 1^st Oct morning) and why do we write pointless posts on our blogs, when we know that when the time comes, we’re going to want to feel like crying and kicking ourselves and telling ourselves that we deserve to walk into that battle field and shrivel up and die.

Then we’ll go listen to Christina Aguilera’s ‘Fighter’ and continue cramming till 6am to sit for exam at 9am (and wanting to cry and telling ourselves that we won’t be this way the next exam – I know I’m not the only one doing that). And then, repeat the whole process the next semester, and the next semester, and the next semester.

I think there’s a reason behind all this. I think there’s a subconscious mind working there, and trying to make sure that we do not go insane from all that stress. Therefore, it MAKES us procrastinate (yeah Lynda, blame the subconscious mind).

The subconscious mind is able to urhm, ‘predict’ the amount of time we need to study and the things that are actually relevant. SO, by limiting our time through making us procrastinate, we don’t have to absorb as much information, just sufficient information for us to sit for the exams.

All this in the name of helping us keep our sanity, because our subconscious mind is aware of the amount of strain that its friend, the conscious mind, that we use in this memorizing-competition is able to take. Procrastination after all, is a form of relaxation. That is, if you do not take into account of being stressed at the same time you enjoy procrastinating.

PS: actually I’ve ditched Biology after Form 6, so my definition of ‘subconscious mind’ is er.... the part of you that automatically helps you get up only after 9 hours of sleep even though you set your alarm to ring after 6 and a half hours. Or the part of the mind that tells you to wake up when you keep dreaming about going to sit for an exam today, which you thought was tomorrow. Or the part of the brain that tells you that you forgot to take something but never tells you what.  I’m sorry if I’m wrong.
SO… I wonder if I have made any procrastinators out there feel better? =P.

The life cycle of ambitions

When we were young, we had ambitions all noble and great and action packed. I remember writing "cita-cita saya adalah untuk menjadi seorang doktor" during BM class in my karangan book. I remember writing the same essay, with different jobs, and they involved being a nurse, a police (I didn’t know about corruption back then, so yeah, they were noble), a firewoman (such thing?), a teacher… I enjoyed drawing these people in my exercise book, next to my karangan.

Then i grew a bit older. I started liking to draw - women, dresses, pretty hair, and pretty faces. We started having bigger dreams that were glamorous, and preferably ambitions that would earn us money enough to buy a big house and hire 20 maids for our mother. Fashion designer topped my list. I think actress and architect was somewhere there.

Then, secondary school came. The big dreams still hung around, but things started getting more practical. For instance, the fact that u are not going to be an actress and get to act with Leonardo DiCaprio is starting to sink in. I started participating in debates and considered being a lawyer. The fashion design thing hung around for a few more years. But in the later years of secondary, somehow it seems like childhood is ripped outta us together with all those big glamorous dreams of how we’d want to live our life. We struck out ‘glamorous’ from the ambitions and focused on dollar signs instead. Survival in the real world started to sink in. we looked for professions that would earn us higher income – maybe we didn’t want 20 maids anymore, but a nice house and car and wardrobe full of clothes topped the list. We wanted professions that would get us out of this country where we ‘immigrated’ to.

I could barely make up my mind. I considered being a dentist. I thought about law. I thought about dietetics. Architecture. I remember how much I wanted to become a vet because I was passionate about animals and I hated being helpless when they needed help. I flooded myself with options. That was, until I came face to face with the terrors of STPM.

I wasn't one of those people who know they were born to become something, but only now has it occurred to me that I am doing accountancy, something that has never occurred in my list of ‘cita-citas’.

 It proves just how much reality is a bitch. You can’t go for your big dreams when you were little because they just aren’t practical. Then, when you have decided on something, there’s a gazillion things standing in the way, money, being the biggest of the gazillion.

But it’s okay. While I used to fret over what to do after the horrendous Form 6 experience over the little options I was left with because I was a lazy bum who sat on my ass all day not studying hard, I guess i am now able to see that there’s no one way in getting somewhere. Provided the world doesn’t end soon, I guess I can still do things I like to do because there’s no way I will allow myself to slough in an audit firm working late nights and growing white hair.  But for now, I should keep in mind that when I’ve decided to do something, it’s only appropriate I do it well.

This is emotionless, blur writing from 4.50am when I decided I need a break from tax assignments. Penned down because I started wondering how I ended up here, doing this – searching up case law after case law, taking up accounting. But I can’t really imagine doing anything else. =)

The power of desperation

Came across this sometime ago when I was back home. Either it’s awesome innovation, or I am a sakai for never seeing another one before.

The picture speaks for itself.

Life is beautiful when you eat the right things

The past two weeks were insane and right after I was done with the last of the insane week – the horrific Financial Statement Analysis, which was subsequent to the even more horrific tax paper; I had this long list of stuff I planned on doing. A lot of it involved food, sorry, can’t be helped.

Suiee fed me well. It was a heavenly breakaway from the fortnight of Gardenia diet.

Now that I get a breather, I actually sat back to ponder and think that life is somehow rather beautiful. And here is my list of life’s little pleasures, in no particular order and according to current memory:

1. Getting to instantly eat something when you start craving for it.

2. Egg tarts, either Tong Kee’s of India Street’s

3. ICE CREAM! Doesn’t the cold sensation and the feel of licking it off make you happeeee?

4. Grocery shopping?

5. IKEA. IKEA excites me more than clothes do. Owh, they have great ice cream too.

6. Eating peanut butter off a spoon

7. The smell of vanilla

8. The aroma of apples and cinnamon in the oven

9. Coffee when it’s made perfectly

10. A good solitary swim

11. Hot peppery stew with lots of parsley on a cold, rainy day

12. Good music

13. Tengok drama sambil makan

14. Dark chocolate

15. Crackers dipped in hot coffee

And owh, speaking of little pleasures, I rewarded myself with these over the weekend =)

Parsley, heaps of parsley

Yeah i know St Pat's is long over but i had this can of Guinness in the fridge so i poured it over the beef.

Then... Apples and Cinnamon came out of the oven

And i topped it all up by eating this off the spoon =D 

Ahhh, life is simply beautiful. bahahaha

Traditional marriage

I came across this in a book I was reading, couldn’t agree more.

… ever since she was a little girl, she’d instinctually been repulsed by the idea of a ‘traditional marriage’. She wondered why the rest of the world was not disgusted by a woman’s obviously cynical exchange of sex, housework, and child-raising for a roof over her head and food on her table. The fact was, the only way you could find true love was if you didn’t need financial support from a man, otherwise, you made compromises and concession; you had sex with a man you didn’t find genuinely attractive. You could convince yourself that it was okay, but really, it was all nothing more than an acceptable form of prostitution.

Maybe, by being financially able myself and not needing to depend on anyone, I would stop being such a skeptic when it comes to marriage. But then again, it would pop the egos of our asian men if their wives were that financially well off, especially if they earned less, would it?

I feel that marriage was built on the very idea of this ‘traditional marriage’. Owh, it did evolve from the olden days (sometime where Chinese emperors existed and china men carried swords?) where marriage was solely a license for a man and woman to have sex ‘legally’. Today, where pre-marital sex is ever so popular, this is what marriage has turned into.

Men and women believe in true love and happily ever afters that they see on TV. It is undeniable that in every single one of our hearts he hope and pray and yearn for that day to come for that special other half to come and steal our hearts away. However, somehow I’ve come to the conclusion that all these romantic stories that sweep us off our feet are so very rare; which is why they were documented and filmed in the very first place. Hence, probability of happening – very small. It isn’t the most sensible answer, but it is a reasonable explanation, isn’t it?

i do believe in the possibility of love and the warmth and excitement. But then comes marriage and money and expectations and property and responsibility and kids and lust and all the other talking human beings that should shut the heck up. It makes marriage impossible.