22 October 2010

Today is result-release day

So what now? Jump out the window? Go jogging? Swim? Go shoe shopping? Sleep? Take the longest bath ever? Scrub the bathroom sparkly clean? Watch Dexter murder someone?

Results were just released. I dared not during the meeting session for the fear that I would cry there and then. I came home and procrastinated all I could before opening it. I guess deep down I knew it would not be favourable.

Sometimes I wish there was a device that could record feelings, because right now, I want mine to be remembered. Those feelings to disappointment, regret, feeling sorry that I probably didn’t make my parents very proud, or that I could not show that I could really pull through the hell. I want to remember this feelings to that this trimester would be a time to make things right. I want to remember so that I do not slack or take for granted. I want to remember to be motivated. I want to remember so I do not regret =(

Petula Clark sang “so kiss me goodbye, and I’ll try not to cry, all the tears in the world won’t change your mind. There’s someone new, and she’s waiting for you, soon your heart will be leaving me behind. Linger a while, and I’ll go with a smile, like a friend who just happened to call. For the last time, pretend you are mine, my darling, kiss me goodbye”.

Difference here’s that my dean’s list isn’t pretending to be mine anymore. It left, and I need to curl up and wallow in sorrow for a little while. Then I’ll get up being thankful knowing I could have done much worse. But just for now I shall go get depressed.

11 October 2010

How to ask a guy out

I noticed that my mind is more prone to thinking ridiculous thoughts when I am hungry. Tonight, I thought of ways timid, nice, homely girls who have hardly any friends *ahem* could ask guys out without being too outright and saving themselves the embarrassment of a rejection. If the nice, homely girl is VERY timid, using the many messaging medias such as SMSing, Facebook (not outright on the walls, please, or MSN (but risk having your messages undelivered and causing heaps of anxiety because MSN is crappy lately) would be more preferable. At least the screens do not know you are blushing!
#1. “I’m home alone and there’s nothing to eat. I’m totally craving for Ma Lak Mien at Life CafĂ© now. But I don’t like eating alone (must show sad face to gain sympathy). Sighhhhhhhhh. But then again, screw awkwardness. I think I’ll head there before I starve to death. Eh, how bout u join me? My treat!”
#2. “Hey I painted my toenails this absolutely awesome red shade (because I was hungry and had nothing better to do at home). It’s realllllllllly pretty. Wanna see?”
#3. “Guess what? Today I baked chocolate lava cake (note: there must be research beforehand about what ‘guy’ likes to eat. If ‘guy’ does not like chocolate lava cake, substitute with something else). Mom actually said it was good but two people can only eat that much. Do you like chocolate lava cake? If you do, help me eat some?” (then, proceed to meet ‘guy’ somewhere to deliver)
#4. “Have you watched Donnie Yen’s (I think most guys would like Donnie Yen?) new movie? Trailer looks awesome!!! I wanted to go catch the late night slot but I heard that The Spring (this is a mall where MBO is situated, feel free to substitute with any local mall) is haunted so I daren’t go late nights. I would’ve gone alone if I was less busy during the day”. (show sad face)
#5. “Owh, you work in that area? I heard there’s this place selling really good chicken rice nearby. Do you know how to get there?” ….. “Huh? I’ve no idea where that is, maybe you could show me sometime soon during your lunch breaks?”  
*if ‘guy’ tells you he packs lunch to work every day, say “Awwwww u poor thing, even more the reason you should go eat that awesome chicken rice and when you decide to, please show me the directions there”.
#6. Lastly, the most obvious of all – write this on your blog, and tell him you want to do any of the above, and send him the link. This is why iPhones (or any phones with the ability to go online on the move) are awesome, ‘guy’ can immediately check.

PS: I just realized that more than half of my methods (#6 doesn’t count) involve food. FML

02 October 2010

Can do today then don't do tomorrow!

Okay, so I take back what I said. Apparently, the not so conscious part of my brain had not been calculating correcting. The only thing it gave me was false optimism.

Only when I started revisions the night before exam did I start hyperventilating and panicking. I was not able to remember things I studied beforehand and if not for the highlighter marks I left on those notes, I would never remember having read them.

I was so scared, that even the mere 30 minutes I had to sleep, I lied in bed hearing my own heart thumping away, conscious.

Therefore I change my mind. When I may have said that procrastination may be somehow good, I now think that it isn’t a good idea at all. All that anxiety, stress, frustration, immense fear, ‘lostness’, guilt and regret was horrible.

However, however… Today is a new day. Exams are over. Holidays are kicking in. And I am a free spirit. Well, a free spirit with heaps to do once she gets home. =P