22 October 2010

Today is result-release day

So what now? Jump out the window? Go jogging? Swim? Go shoe shopping? Sleep? Take the longest bath ever? Scrub the bathroom sparkly clean? Watch Dexter murder someone?

Results were just released. I dared not during the meeting session for the fear that I would cry there and then. I came home and procrastinated all I could before opening it. I guess deep down I knew it would not be favourable.

Sometimes I wish there was a device that could record feelings, because right now, I want mine to be remembered. Those feelings to disappointment, regret, feeling sorry that I probably didn’t make my parents very proud, or that I could not show that I could really pull through the hell. I want to remember this feelings to that this trimester would be a time to make things right. I want to remember so that I do not slack or take for granted. I want to remember to be motivated. I want to remember so I do not regret =(

Petula Clark sang “so kiss me goodbye, and I’ll try not to cry, all the tears in the world won’t change your mind. There’s someone new, and she’s waiting for you, soon your heart will be leaving me behind. Linger a while, and I’ll go with a smile, like a friend who just happened to call. For the last time, pretend you are mine, my darling, kiss me goodbye”.

Difference here’s that my dean’s list isn’t pretending to be mine anymore. It left, and I need to curl up and wallow in sorrow for a little while. Then I’ll get up being thankful knowing I could have done much worse. But just for now I shall go get depressed.

1 comment:

estelle said...

I went to gym alone, hoping that all the bad feelings will come out together with my sweat.