26 May 2010

Cycles of no cure

Lately, my thoughts have been scattered and the ideas come in little bits and pieces, like the little islands of the Philippines, rather than er…. Borneo? There’s all this philosophy about growing up and people and life racing across the mind, and this explains why I am unable to come up with a composed and tidy post to put up.
It makes me wonder if I would judge my thoughts the way I judge the writings in my diary I wrote back at 14 years old when I read them now. I felt so mature then, and that I understood life. However I now feel that I was just naïve, and perhaps, this is what growing up is all about. I wonder if eight years from now, I’d be feeling the same thing about me now. But I guess the fear of appearing silly shouldn’t stop us from doing things huh?
People age I guess, and with experience they grow. It isn’t easy to stick to your opinions anymore. You would think that perhaps, there was a reason behind every action. The line between right and wrong, black and white becomes even more undefined. Everything happens in cycles, and in the end, no one party is to be blamed, but we come up with a more general answer for it (because we’re rational and also because we are afraid) and say the clichéd “it is everybody’s responsibility”.
For example: as I dropped a RM1 note into the SSPCA donation box today, I thought  to myself, that being led by a new woman, perhaps SSPCA will now be more successful in terms of getting volunteers and sponsorship and publicity. I think SSPCA have come a long way from before, as I see that they now have a Facebook page to keep people updated, donation boxes in major shopping areas and adoption campaigns everywhere. I eventually decided that perhaps this new leader was better than the old, no? but after walking for a while, it hit me that perhaps the old leader was just tired or working and working and not getting much of the public to get involved, and therefore she got tired and gave up. The public, on the other hand, judge her, in a sense that there was news circulating around about her ‘swindling’ the shelter’s money and all. The public therefore got wary and became more distant. This woman then, instead of working harder to change perceptions, moved further away. In the end, nothing got fixed and matters became worse. This is what I mean by cycles. No one party is to be blamed. But one negative action from one side leads to another negative action from the other side.
Another example – a married couple. Husband and wife recently got married. Wife suffers ‘culture shock’ from moving in with the in-laws. Squabbling happens. Husband is stuck in between. Wife expects husband to help but husband does not help. Wife gets angry and becomes resentful. Husband gets angry at wife for acting that way. Wife gets angrier and becomes very self-centered because she believes it is ‘every man for himself’ and therefore keeps all her money and uses husband’s money as much as she can. Husband realizes and holds money ketat ketat. Wife and husband squabble over money because wife feels husband is not carrying out his responsibility to provide for the family. Now in this situation, could you decide who was wrong?
I don’t know, maybe I truly am focusing on the wrong things here, by finding the person at fault. And while there may be no one person that is to be held responsible, there will always, always be someone that falls victim to these situations. In the first case, the animals that stay in the shelter, and in the second case, the children to the crumbling marriage. Theoretically, the solution would always be to talk it out, compromise, communicate. But at times, when situations of these ‘cycle’' have already gotten this bad, I don’t quite see space for any talking and sharing to happen, hence the cycle continues.
And here’s another random thought: ignorance is bliss, which is why we would rather ignorye everything. And when we’re unable to ignore it, we live in denial, because denial enables us to continue living in that fairytale we spin up. But what happens when the truth explodes right in front of your face? Well, different people handle things differently. Some cry, some go insane, some go for retail therapy, some explode themselves. As for me, I think Life Café’s spicy noodles and milk green tea and a long bath worked wonders today. =)

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