12 December 2010

The Boyfriend Manual: Lying, cheating bastards

A friend suggested I write this – a manual for the boyfriends on how to operate their girlfriends. I had no idea where to start, but life is a funny thing. It finds ways to inspire you, despite the ‘inspiration’ coming in a rather unfavourable form.

So here goes.

I once read somewhere in someone’s blog, she said something like “when the partner is hurt by the other’s action, it is considered cheating, because you are snooping around behind your partner. So whether you are cheating or not, is defined by your partner. My reaction to that was “what if the partner is SUPER sensitive?” eg: will explode in tears when you make eye contact with the opposite sex.  Then how?

I then thought that the male gender may need a little help in defining where we girls draw the line. Bear in mind that every girl is different. I do however think that I am referring to a majority of the female population.

Here’s my (more than) two cents worth of thoughts.

#1. Flirting with other girls.

This includes every being that has a vagina, and it doesn’t matter whether they are your colleagues or major customer of the China girl from the nightclub you patron. Dear bfs,This is the mildest of all  offences and there is a certain limit you can go. When you flirt without us knowing, it is wrong. When you flirt to the extent of exchanging phone numbers, it is wrong. When you flirt to the extent that you are hiding things from us, it is WRONG. Flirt in front of us, we can take it – because we feel that you have nothing to hide, and to some point it even reassures us that we are different from all the other girls. We are more confident than you think.

#2. Hearing from you is better than us finding out on our own.

Dear bfs, at any time, we would rather hear your confession and apology, rather than having you twist and turn and dodge corners and to let us catch you lying into our faces. We have awesome 6th sense, and investigation and observation skills – we know. And when you lie, it hurts. And when it hurts, we cry. And when we cry, you turn around and tell us that we’re annoying. You see, you’re the one who gets annoyed in the end. Why not save yourselves the trouble and just come clean in the very first place.

#3. Sex with the other woman.

We hope that you at least decide to spare yourself (and us) some dignity. We would like to believe that we chose a man with taste. So before you go sleep around with some whore or China waitress from some bar, please consider how cheap it makes you look, and the amount of risk of STDs you are opening yourself (and possibly US) to. Thank you.

#4. We need time to heal.

Yes we know you’re probably sorry about whatever stunt you pulled after we confront you. And we know that after all the tears and anger and frustration, and you realise there’s no where left to hide probably want to make up because you suddenly realise how awesome your current gf is compared to the bitch you were playing around with, you want to make things good again. And at that moment, we’re probably seeming very much aloof and cold and cruel. We know you’re frustrated. But what you do not know is that we’re trying equally hard to make things right. Feelings are a funny thing; they have a brain of their own. Telling ourselves not to feel hurt, to forgive and forget, to brighten up and hold your hand and skip around and chatter around you like usual is like telling ourselves not to think of a pink elephant.

Time heals. We need that. Because you really can not imagine the pain and hurt you put us through. And along with that, we need to see action, because talk is fucking cheap.

#5. Do not do to others what you do not want done to you.

Very very simple, no? Just don’t expect out of us  what you aren’t giving us. You men (not referring to all men) are always feeling insecure about every little thing and hating all our other male friends. If applied the same way, the rule would say “if you can do it, why can’t we”. But personally, i do not stoop THAT low.

#6. To the friends of the lying cheating bastards.

Hello there. You are accountable. We hate you just as much if you got our guys into this situation in the very first place.

#7. Dan lain lain lagi

Dear Bfs, please just let us know if you would rather date some other woman. I think a lot of woman would rather have no man than any less than one man. We would understand. But to be cheated on and lied to, that we cannot tolerate.

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I think females today should really learn to stand up on their own. Earn your own money, depend on no one, because in fact, no one owes you anything at all. Anything extra coming from anyone at all is a charity case. You’ll be much happier thinking that way. It makes you a better person too, because you learn to say ‘thank you’ and not take things for granted.

The best thing (cheated-on and lied to) people can do for themselves is to love themselves. Take time to indulge, take care of your body, dress up and walk with your head up high, despite whatever shit life throws at you.

Tomorrow shall be a better day. Amen.

2 comments:

julian said...

Dear thelma (lynda),

awesome post

Lynda lau said...

Thank you!