When I talk to myself

Done with exams! Not quite sure if I managed to throw in a fifth screw, but I guess it doesn’t matter - It ended, like finally!

I’ve been cleaning the room, packing up and getting ready to move back. No, actually, I think the bf did more packing for me than I did for myself, thanks to my sensitive nose and inability to organize my brain when there’s too much to do (ie: too many things to keep). He packed for me when I left Kuching, and now he’s packing for me when I leave Cyberjaya. Teehee. Bliss.

My belongings came up to five boxes and three luggage bags, excluding the corner of things I left in old house courtesy of my housemates. I intended to take a picture to keep in eternal remembrance my embarrassing habit excessive purchasing and inability to live out of a suitcase. I was however too busy sneezing my brains out due to the dust, and by the end of packing, I was have splitting headaches from all that hardcore sneezing.

As usual, I like to divert from the things I intend to say/do – which is why packing is so hard. So here’s what I really intended to write about; the things I say to myself. I wonder if normal people say these things/ask these questions to themselves too. And if they don’t, maybe other weird people won’t feel so weird knowing that they are not alone in this.

On self-image:

1. “Did I gain weight? or is the weighing scale spoilt.” –> and so this is what people call living in denial, or, then again, maybe the weighing scale really IS spoilt. But to be fair, I ask myself the same thing went the needle shows lower than what it should.

2. “Do I look like her?” (because I’ve never found someone who looks like me). And I think the question of “is what I see in the mirror the same as what other people see?” belongs in the same category. This thought has always lingered, ever since my primary school days.

3. “Am I skinnier compared to my secondary days, or did I just stop hating my body and got more comfortable with it.” I secretly think I just got more comfortable (although I’d like to believe otherwise), because I don’t feel like beating myself up anymore when I don’t sweat every two days or when I over indulge in good food – which I’m not sure whether is a good or bad thing.

In the exam halls:

4. “I wonder if it'd be alright if I asked the invigilator what this question meant.” (but for the record I hardly ever do that)

5. Following no.4 – “would that be cheating?”

6. And, when I do ask, and get no answer… “Is there some secret technique for people to ask the invigilator things? Why' is the invigilator saying so much to them but not me huh.”

On shopping:

7. “Don’t aim to buy a particular thing, because when you do, you’ll never get it.” –> this is odd, but true. And I have yet to discover why. I tend to fall in love when I don’t plan to – which is dangerous because it sometimes involves spending out of the budget, but yet thrilling, because you feel so darn lucky to have stumbled upon something so nice.

8. “I am not going to buy anymore shoes.”

9. “I think I should buy this pair of shoes. Shoe shopping is impossible in Kuching. Plus when I really need shoes, they’re impossible to find.” (refer to 7)

10. “It’s so hard to find flats/ pumps/ bags/ pants/ formal shirts that are nice/ fit properly. I should get this, in case I need it someday.”

11. “Depreciate it !” ……*count count count*……….. “Okay, buy.”

Other random quirky things:

12. “If my zipper down?” *tries to awkwardly look down hoping no one notices*

13. When in planes and a baby starts wailing “They should have a soundproof section in the plane and put all the babies in there.” Sorry, I’m not a big fan of noisy kids. I only like them when they’re quiet, sweet, and polite.

14. When I see people abusing animals, I usually think of reversing it, with the animal doing the same to them. And it also usually involves “I want to skin the fella, hang him upside down and sprinkle salt on him and tie him to a rambutan tree infested with ants.” This saying I took from my mother.

15. “Am I normal?”