This is emo

What do you do when the only thing that tells you to go on is your heart, when almost everybody else is telling you otherwise, at times, including your brain? I believe things happen repeatedly to a person for a reason – herself. But how do I figure out why I am constantly stuck in the in-betweens.

How young is young, how old is old. How successful is successful? How much is enough? How much before a person is good, reliable, right? How far can it stretch before it all should go down the drain? How obvious must it be for it to be true, for you to start being scared? How on earth do you choose?

Why so many what-ifs? Why so many meddling hands? Why is there no other choice? Why did they choose so easily? Why choose to be so inflexible and push so hard to get something that is obviously selfish and wrong from the start? Why all the pressure on me you are the ones making all the choices?

And it doesn’t help, that you have the worst lecturer you have ever met on the trimester where you decide to really live your uni life, ie: play, and her midterms come two days after the 10km run you are afraid you wouldn’t be able to finish.

Testing testing

Stressed out!

Can a decent local person please rent my place before i turn into a cow from stress binging?

With love,
Curled up on bean bag munching on nuts on rainy day typing through crappy blogger app,
Lynda.

Rewind

When your report is never-ending and your evaluation is a tad disappointing. When you realise you have been cooped up at home for two weeks without really achieving anything. When Friday and Monday make no difference anymore. When your dog is sick and you ache to see her ache. When you feel so empty yet forget to eat. When your brain is confused and your heart is stubborn.

Nah, you don’t sit around and drown in emo-ness for too long. Open up folders of old photos, or if you haven’t any, go stalk people with old photos on Facebook, and if you’re lucky you might just find something to make you smile.

I found these; The day Zh’s family visited KL, when my hair was still black and when my fringe was still short. Lol

This was in Mid Valley. The day both of us were supposed to tag along for Klang Bak Kut Teh, then go home to study for finals afterwards. But we ended up following the family shopping because we felt bad that they had to drive us all the way back to Cyberjaya.

And here’s another photo with Mister Lee. Genuine smiles like that come around friends like these.Good smiles come around when you’re actually happy inside.

We got hungry, so we ended up here. I was excited.

Pasta Zanmai my love, DID YOU HEAR MY PLEA? I’m graduating soon, come to Kuching with me, please? PLEASE????

The tamciak smile.

And this is Mister Lee’s dad. He is the coolest grandpa I have ever seen.

The food came. I definitely did not order this. Me no likey Unagi. I think this was Zh’s.

Here’s another bowl of awesomeness held by an awesome.

And this, ladies and gents, is my favourite ! I feel happy looking at this thing thinking about how happy I was.

Told you I was happy!

Maybe Suiee was considering licking it so I wouldn’t steal any from her.

We left Mid Valley and headed to Putrajaya. BTW this is the youngest daddy I’ve ever known and the coolest grandma I’ve ever seen.

One the right in white is the youngest mommy. She’s super sweet I tell you. And I feel very little in comparison. I guess it’s the mommy vibe, seeing her caring for her kid. I don’t even know how to carry a baby.

This is the most lovable kid I have ever met. He smiles ALL.DAY.LONG. Throughout the day the only time I remember him crying was when he wanted milk. He could be so tired, so sleepy, but the minute you call his name, he’ll smile, just to layan you. I don’t normally like kids. I tell people all the time, I would rather deal with dogs. But this kid, I LIKE !

See, it’s mutual. He likes me too! =D

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Our last stop was the bridge. We stopped and took silly photos like these:

Owh this one isn’t stupid. This is Mister Lee’s baby sister, super manja, in a good way.

 

Now, for the photos…

It was a long day. I think we got back past 1am. Just shopping, eating and sight-seeing. It definitely is a memory I would cherish, especially at times like these. Tamciak-ness can lead to good things after all. It was supposed to be a morning of Bak Kut Teh, but it ended up as a whole day’s fun.

Goodnight =)

“Friend” and Buttercream Frosting

Hello blog, I am back and inspired.

The six months internship has ended. And it seemed like yesterday was the last Friday of my internship engagement, and on that day, I told myself, I am going to do my reports tonight (but ended up being dragged out and sat very unhappily throughout the night because I could not go home). And here I am today, almost two weeks since last finished work, with my report still incomplete.

It was sad, because I was obligated to fill my head with my report, and nothing else but my report. I shut out my friends, my love for playing in the kitchen and daydreaming crazy random thoughts. But self-control can only go that far. After all, there is still the internet, the fake life it provides and the endless ways of procrastination that come with it.

Anyway, today, a crazy random thought came to me – uses of this noun, “FRIEND”. What exactly does it mean, how far does it go? It is pretty much undefined. I googled for a definition and it more or less sounds like this to me: A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts, and acquaintance or a person whom one is allied in a struggle or cause.

Uhm…. That’s like… anybody?

So well, I suppose this is why this word has many, many, many uses. And below, are a among the few that are not very right.

Scenario 1: Random girl, big fan of Keeping up with the Kardashians walks up to Kim Kardashian and says “OWH HIEEEE, I love you and your show! And I’ve read everything there is to read about you so I feel like I really know you and that we have such a great connection. Besides, I’ve been to every single one of your public appearances and I think you’re awesome. Plus, I have a friend, whose friend, whose friend’s friend is your friend too. That makes us friends too right? Owh by the way I haven’t gotten that invite to your wedding” *big hopeful smile*

Well, sure, Kim would probably call security, but I think this might just be feasible in the real world. It would help if the girl was really hot too. FRIEND is used to make connections.

Scenario 2: Batman and Joker came from the same school. One day there was a test. Batman, being the brainy nerd did not have a problem at all. Joker however, forgot and was out picking up girls the night before having the time of his life. Hence he said to Batman “Pass me your answer sheet”. Batman refused and Joker said with a tinge of disappointment in his tone, “But I thought we were friends…”

I suppose Joker failed because Batman refused anyway so now they’re enemies. But my point here, is that FRIEND is constantly used to manipulate through creating feelings of guilt.

Scenario 3: Girlfriend plays with boyfriend’s laptop and suddenly sees that boyfriend has been joining social networks, adding random hot girls and suggesting they make a beach trips and build sandcastles together. Girlfriend flips, and loses her temper at boyfriend. Boyfriend replies “I was just socializing and making friends. Nothing will happen, we’re friends”.

Well even a monkey would know what boyfriend was thinking in his head. But somehow, categorising something/someone as FRIEND makes boyfriend think whatever he did is justified. Plus, FRIEND may potentially save boyfriend’s ass. FRIEND ONLY MAH.

Scenario 4: Girl and boy started out as friends. But eventually girl starts having funny feelings for boy. Girl constantly thinks of boy, girl constantly wants to talk to boy, girl is stalking boy. Girl feels like she should not be in this situation. Maybe she should be focussing on her studies, career, etc., maybe she was not emotionally ready, or maybe boy was of a different race and religion. So girl shrugs the thought off, and continues being friends with boy, but still thinking about boy and stalking boy. But girl tells herself, “No sweat, just good friends”.

So here, people use FRIEND to live in denial, to continue being involved with someone they are romantically interested in, but in a FRIEND kind of way to be able to tell themselves (and everyone around them) that nothing is going on.

But to be fair, I think that being friends and being a little more than friends really is a thin line. And yes, I do notice that #3 and #4 is kind of the same, yet a little bit different. Owh well. *shrugs*

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Anyway this is what friends do do together. Look up a random recipe and make cupcakes! Kai Liang and I finally made these after months of intending to.

These were supposed to be chocolate vanilla. The chocolate cake was good, but the vanilla buttercream simply would not hold. So we added lime and cream of tartar. It was slightly better, but still runny. In the end I dunked in peanut butter. Well I wouldn’t say it was awesome but at least it was spreadable.

Lessons learnt: 1. Never add in half a cup of milk to butter to make buttercream. It.WILL.be.watery. 2. Invest in cute paper cups. 3. Cupcakes are meant to be small and delicate, not gigantic muffin sized cakes with runny buttercream. Buy smaller cups. 4. ALWAYS cut down the sugar in angmoh recipes. ALWAYS.

 

**Note to self at abrupt ending of post: FINISH THAT REPORT THEN GO GET A LIFE ALREADY. YOU HAVE TO HAND IT IN ANYWAY SO IT MAY AS WELL BE SOONER THAN LATER.

Everything is okay

Dear God,

Please take care of my Bullet. She’s only 8, I thought dogs could live to 15? If anything, I wish I could understand her thoughts. I wish I knew where it hurt, I wish I knew where it was not alright. I wish I knew if the meds are helping. I wish I knew what to do.

There’s a wound on her neck that doesn’t seem to want to heal, and tonight I just saw her nose bleed. Could it be that I forgot to bath her and she scratched herself? Could it be that she poked herself on one of the sticks in the garden? Is it a tumor like the vet said it could be over the phone? Could it be the recent hot weather?

Dear God,

She’s been a good girl. She’s been my best friend, my sister. She’s a tough girl, so with a little help from You, she should be okay. Please make sure she is?

 

 

And as for YOU. I wish you could see this because I would rather not say it to your face and spare fighting with you as I have better things to focus on now. You don’t want to help her, we will.

DO NOT EXPECT ANY KIND OF LOVE OR RESPECT FROM OTHERS WHEN THE ONLY PERSON YOU ARE CAPABLE OF LOVING IS YOURSELF.

The Bintulu Journals: 1st July

Today was the most hectic of all the days, and no, this is not lunch time. Today is stock take day. It is 30 minutes to midnight and I am here writing after a good dose of shower, dinner, Milo, and biscuits. And not forgetting Chor Dai Di which my colleagues taught me yesterday =D

Today was a hot, sticky, dirty day. Trampled in black muddy puddles of oil, glue, soil and wood scraps and in my Adidas, because old Nike could not come as his soles were dangling and threatening to fall off. It broke my heart to see the white on Adidas turn into shades of black :(

We went to eat foochow noodles, with big ass prawns. Only halfway though did I start thinking of the things people told me “the cost of living in Bintulu is high”, “eating out in Bintulu is EXPENSIVE”.

I then starred at the gigantic prawn in my bowl of Foochow Noodles and thought “CRAP I ONLY BROUGHT RM13 WITH ME”. The person who took us out paid eventually but I felt super duper bad about it.

In 24 hours I will be back home and sitting in my own bed. Hence, a few more pictures to wrap up the Bintulu trip.

This was last night’s dinner.

Cucumbers, greens, pork and prawns. And that bowl at the back is filled with awesome sea cucumber soup.

Vendors along the road

My pisang goreng stall

 

Banana fritter; simple, sinful, yumminess.

The Boys

The Girls

The afternoon before we left, we were brought to this place for rojak. I thought ‘rojak ‘meant eating at coffee shops or hawker stalls. That made me feel better after the RM20 noodle experience. Instead, we were brought to Riverside Cafe, a hotel restaurant. *holds breath*

The rojak was indeed a bit different. Saltier and more watery than usual. Less sweet, and we were given a bowl of pound peanuts to sprinkle as we pleased.

We ordered this too. The called it sago. We call it ABC Cendol Special – because it had everything.

Well it had everything except sugar. The sugar syrup came in a cute little er… syrup holder?

Then we left for the airport and watched an entire Saw 4 movie as we shrieked and covered our eyes.

And that wraps up Bintulu. =)

The Bintulu Journals: 30th June

Lunch is over. I am done with the first episode of my Taiwanese drama and I am now writing because we’ve worked ahead of time. Awesomeness.

Yesterday evening we went for a jog, my colleague and I. It ends up that the place is not THAT big after all. Running one around around Jalan Song’s Friendship Park takes longer. I ended up running up and down the slope as there were dogs further into the housing area and my colleague was afraid. Prevention is better than cure huh?

The jog was followed by dinner and this is what we had.

 

Really, the food was pretty good and it looks a lot nicer than this. We had clams, eggplant, curry chicken, seaweed soup and cabbage. Dom says I suck at taking pictures. I think this is proof =S

Anyway, this was followed by an Orange, which I irresponsibly cut on a plate like I always did back in uni, until the kakak came and said “jangan potong atas pinggan, nanti scratch” *SHY MAX*

Nights were drama time with the colleague. It was this Taiwanese series that Kelyn gave me, about this happy family who was broken up by this girl. It included a lot of me yelling ‘fucker go die’ and her throwing blankets on the laptop and banging the mattress.

Why men like damsel in distress-weak, innocent looking, constantly crying, but hiaw bitches har? takes two hands to clap.

Day three and no spiders yet. Bintulu has been kind to me. Looking forward to pisang goreng this evening and outdoor audit work tomorrow! =)